About A Lost Love and A Best Friend
by Silverlady-nl
Summary: Gillian aftermath, Hutch.


**Starsky & Hutch  
><strong>

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><p><strong>About A Lost Love and A Best Friend<strong>

_(Aftermath Gillian - Hutch)  
><em>

_Was it really me that day?  
><em>_Or was it my broken heart crying?  
><em>_Did I hurt you  
><em>_When my anger and my pain attacked you  
><em>_Before I could say a word?_

First he had hit Starsky then he had cried in his arms. Reality hit Hutch with such force that he buried his head into his hands. "O God!" He moaned. Starsky had seen a side of him he had never shown to anyone before. Never in his adult life had Ken Hutchinson let himself go like that. He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment when memories came rushing back to him.  
><em>I'm so sorry, Starsk.<em>

The moment Hutch had walked into his girlfriend's apartment after a strange phone call from Huggy, and had seen Gillian's lifeless body lying on the floor, something had snapped. The always-in-control Ken Hutchinson was replaced by a heartbroken man who had just found the body of the woman he loved. Then on top of it, Starsky had told him something about Gillian that was so hard to believe that he couldn't comprehend it.

And what did he do? He attacked his partner, verbally and mentally. Right there he wanted to hit Starsky for saying what he had said. Ready to hurt him just as he himself was hurting for her loss, ready to pay him back for the lies Starsky just told him about Gillian. Then it became all too much, tears were threatening to overcome him, he could see the pain in his partner's eyes, but he didn't care. He couldn't. His own heartache had become unbearable, and before he knew it his fist had came into contact with Starsky's chin. But instead of feeling relief he fell into his partner's open arms and cried like a baby.

_Don't dry your tears  
><em>_He will do it for you  
><em>_He'll catch each teardrop that you cry  
><em>_Grateful for the chance you give him  
><em>_To look inside the real you_

After their shift was over Starsky had dropped him off at Venice Place. Hutch didn't even have to say a word. It was as if Starsky understood that he needed some time alone to sort his feelings out and left after making sure Hutch would call him if he needed him.

Now that it was all over, and he had time to examine his feelings. Hutch felt so ashamed of himself and his behaviour towards Starsky. Okay, his girlfriend had just been murdered; his partner and best friend had withheld information from him. That, together with the powerful emotions that were overwhelming him at the sight of her body was too much to take and made him break down. And Starsky had been on the receiving end of his outburst of pain and anger. He received it as if he felt like he deserved it. Hutch shook his head.  
><em>O, Starsk. What have I ever done to deserve a friend like you?<em>

After the outburst Starsky hadn't judged him, he hadn't turned away from him. No, he had stayed and had held him until Hutch calmed down again. Starsky was the best friend he'd ever had, the only one who unselfishly accepted him for who he was. Starsky was the only person with whom he would let down his guard and let him see a Hutchinson side that only a few people knew.

Slowly Hutch worked through his feelings and emotions, suddenly realizing the unnecessary torment he put himself through.

He had loved Gillian so much, and her death would leave a large scar on his heart. The wound was fresh and it would take a while to heal. Most of the healing he had to do himself, but Starsky would make it easier.

If he had been in Starsky's shoes he probably would have done the same thing Starsky had. He would have let his friend hit him, and he would have held him and comforted him, because that's what real friends do.

Hutch smiled, the pain of his loss was still there and wouldn't disappear within a day, but he still had Starsky and somehow that was enough to make him feel better.

He moved towards the phone and dialed a number he had dialed uncountable times before.

"Hey Starsk, it's me…"

**The End**

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><p>Written by Silverlady-nl, 0602/2003, Netherlands


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